Saturday, June 28, 2008
Regret?
I hate this word. For once, I lost to the promise I always stuck to of never wanting to do something which might get me in a direct situation of regret.
The past two weeks been hell depressing weeks because of I dont know what reason but it just didnt turn out the way I expected it to. To be truthful, the smile I had through these two weeks are what we all call - plastered smiles. When I smiled, I didnt smile within me. When I laughed, it was to respect the joke. When I said I was okay, I was not. When asked, how you feeling and when I replied better, I lied. Yes that pretty much screwed my two weeks were. Its just another one of those, my genuine happy emotions are on holidays and they'll be back.
I have a marvellous family (happy and united as always), I have fantastic friends, I enjoy doing some things which Im doing, I do not suffer from anything strong enough to pull me down, and no im not 'emo-ing', no im not depressed about life, no im not sooo unhappy to the verge of crying myself to sleep, no im not pmsing AND NO IM NOT A NUTCASE. The worst part of it all is when you feel you have people around who would give you support, help you through but you just want to tell no one about it - in other words, cross this hurdle youself. You gather enough reasons to be happy but only to fail again when one negative thought appears and spoils it all. How ironic, I know.
As all these stories intertwine, they're gonna play a familiar tune which your head has always wanted to ignore, they'll bug you all at one go which your heart which choose to ignore. ignore. if only it worked to ignore and never again be bothered about it.
Gavin left. One facilitator Ive always looked up to. Its damn sad that he left becuase Im sure he's the one who gave the class a better foresight of Cognitive and about 'who said powerpoint needed to be 10-12 slides' and of all the facilitators, though his questions are intense and thought provoking, it always appears to make sense and bring you on the correct path of thinking through the problem of the day. At least when I broke down once, he was there to tell me that it wasnt the end - there was more to (the reason why I broke down). So yeah, all in all he created an impact. Its sad. (ANOTHER REASON TO FEEL SAD DAMN IT)
As i type this I can sort of feel the intensity of this blog post and I freaking dont wanna continue because feeling damn sad has no limitations to how much I can complain.
oh my god, i smell the scent of a nice drink my mum's making. =)a nice hug from my mum makes all sadness and worries disappear!
♥